Dismantled

How can one be funny if they're overcome with emotions of the opposite scale? What's the matter? Man, why do you doubt yourself? Thoughts of the past -- they're never pretty. The present is fine. Beyond fine. The present is freaking awesome. Good things are happening, yet the past leaves its ugly face here and there and haunts its victim. I saw the past today. I closed my eyes and there the past was looking back at me with a sinister grin on its face. It said to me, "No matter how hard you try you'll never be able to escape the wrongdoings you have done to others." And yes, I have to agree with Mr. Past. The fact that one of my former good, if not best, friends no longer even looks in my direction still haunts me. I just want to be able to carry on a conversation with him or be able to comfortably hang around with him, but no. What I did was too damaging. He doesn't forgive and forget like I have tried to do. I sometimes like to think that December 2007 to July 2008 didn't exist. Heck, I live most of my current life thinking that that time span never existed. Too many bad things happened then. Too much drama. I could write a novel about what happened and the publisher would call it unrealistic. I feel like a totally different person now. I have changed, and I believe I have changed for the better. I'm a better person now. I was once cold, heartless, and emotionless, but now I have a tender loving heart and wide emotions that enable me to do something that I wasn't able to do for years -- cry. I didn't change for other people. I changed for myself. I looked into the mirror and saw a bad person looking back at me and I wanted that bad person to go away, and I truly believe, right now, that this bad person is shot and dead. This is the new me. The me who doesn't go looking for trouble. The me who loves and cares. The me who lives for not one but two individuals -- myself and my girlfriend. I don't want to be connected with my former self. When Mr. Past says, "Look at what you have done," I retort with, "That wasn't me. Not the current me. That's a different person. Good luck trying to find that individual though -- he's long gone and never coming back."